Forwarded email: What pets write in their diaries

My cousin sent me this.  As a cat owner, I had to snicker...
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Excerpts from a Dog's  Diary......


8:00 am - Dog food! My  favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite  thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite  thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My  favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite  thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite  thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite  thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite  thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite  thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people!  My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the  bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a  Cat 's Daily Diary...


Day 983 of my  captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me  with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine  lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and  I are fed hash or some sort of dry  nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the  rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat  something in order to keep up my  strength.

The only thing that keeps me going  is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to  disgust them, I once again vomit on the  carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and  dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had  hoped this would strike fear into their hearts,  since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments  about what a 'good little hunter' I am.   Bastards.

There was some sort of  assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was  placed in solitary confinement for the duration of  the event. However, I could hear the noises and  smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was  due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what  this means and how to use it to my  advantage.

Today I was almost successful in  an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by  weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must  try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the  stairs.

I am convinced that the other  prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog  receives special privileges. He is regularly  released - and seems to be more than willing to  return.  He is obviously  retarded.